Raising White Kids by Jennifer Harvey

Author:Jennifer Harvey
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Abingdon Press
Published: 2017-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

Partnering with Our Kids

The same educators who urge us to not underestimate children offer postures we need to take as we talk about racism with our kids. The challenge is to find the right balance between bringing our own adult values and observations into dialogue about racism with our children, without inserting ourselves as authorities as we do so. “It is important for adults to bring their own agendas and uncertainties alongside children’s in these conversations,” write Kimberly Chang and Rachel Conrad “but it is equally important that they do so in a way that does not override children’s language and experience.”3

One of the ways to find balance is to listen carefully and follow our children’s lead. As we engage them in the work of recognizing and developing an understanding of racism and ways to act against it, our postures should be exploratory. We should stand next to them as partners. We should ask questions and offer insights about racism “as ideas to discuss rather than as right answers.”4

We also need to anticipate that talking about racism can raise difficult feelings. So we have to commit consciously ahead of time to stay engaged—even when it feels hard. Teachers explain that creating classrooms as spaces where antiracist learning can flourish requires giving their students explicit “permission to engage in dialogue about race and holding a lofty expectation that they will stay engaged in these conversations.” When these postures are taken day after day, one moment at a time, good race talk becomes “part of the culture of dialogue” in the classroom.5

The same is true in our relationships with children. Teaching our children about racism doesn’t mean we need to have all the explanations figured out ahead of time. We might not quite know what the right, age-appropriate lesson is in any given moment. We will often not arrive at a point of completion in any particular dialogue. We need simply commit to stay engaged with kids day after day and moment after moment. If we do, good race-talk will become part of the culture of our families.

It would have been easy for me (and I’ve certainly succumbed other times) to simply act in response to my panic at hearing my daughter sing song 19. I was angry at myself (and Disney) for putting her in such a position. It would have been easy to respond out of my lack of certainty about how to explain why song 19 wasn’t okay, and my fear that our conversation couldn’t possibly go well. But a quick response to tell my daughter to please stop singing would have ended engagement.

I didn’t stay engaged at first after soccer. My own discomfort with knowing a strong “-ism” was in the room and my fear of jading my daughter caused me to artificially simplify and smooth things out. I effectively ended engagement in response to an experience that was genuinely more complex and needed open dialogue. Engagement only resulted because I eventually paid attention to a nagging doubt

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